I bet he comes in French.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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