Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
