So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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