Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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