I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Little spoons don't ask big questions
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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