I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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