They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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