and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
