:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
