You made me cry and you don't even care
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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