i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
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Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
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I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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