I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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