i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
