i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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