I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
id be glad to
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
