Are we in a gay sports bar?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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