So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
