Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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