The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
