Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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