I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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