tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
