And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize