Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
