I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
