i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
