I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
