is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
