Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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