apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
