Are we in a gay sports bar?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
