woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
