the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
