just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
