i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
