I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
