I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
