found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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