Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
