He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
