I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
