i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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