how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
