Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
