I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
