just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
