i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
