I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
