omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
