"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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