the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
