Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
