So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
