New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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