keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
