when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
