I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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