I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
