He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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