dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Damn victory sex feels great
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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