i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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