it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
