piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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