I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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