Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you win again, gameday.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
