I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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