It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
