sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
