Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
