at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
