It's a beautiful day for a hangover
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
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ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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