You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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