threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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