i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
