you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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