We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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