dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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