I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
