dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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