im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The Olympian is in my bed
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
