the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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