i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
